For Immediate Release: April 1, 2022
Contact: Daniel Elkin, SYRCL Communications & Engagement Director, (123) 456-7890
South Yuba River Designated Nation’s First “Nude and Scenic River”
In a move sure to surprise unsuspecting tourists and locals alike, the White House today announced that President Biden has signed an Executive Order designating the South Yuba River the nation’s first “National Nude and Scenic River.”
The first-of-its-kind status bans clothing and requires all visitors – including hikers, swimmers, kayakers and river-rafters – to go completely naked in the 39-mile stretch of river from Spaulding Reservoir to Englebright Reservoir.
Staff at the offices of the South Yuba River Citizens League (SYRCL) could barely contain their excitement over the news.
SYRCL Executive Director Melinda Booth said that the Presidential declaration “stripped away layers of bureaucratic red tape” and was the culmination of a years-long stealth lobbying campaign by SYRCL founders that won support from Democrats and Republicans alike. “In an era of partisan division, it turned out that nudity is a great unifier,” Booth said.
Booth said that designation allows footwear such as sandals and hiking boots as well as head coverings, but specifies that no socks or footwear rising above the calf are allowed. “Except for low-rise footwear and hats, it’s pretty much ‘sun’s out, buns out,’” said Booth, as she buffed her own pair of leather hikers. ”Many of you know I’m a very fair-skinned redhead who generally covers up in when the sun shines. This new designation will force me out of my clothes and comfort zone. Thankfully sunglasses are allowed so my starkly fluorescent skin won’t blind other river-goers.”
Booth said that to show solidarity with the designation many SYRCL-sponsored events would henceforth be all-nude, including the annual River Cleanup, State of the Yuba, and major donor Emerald Circle events.
But Booth said that the annual Wild and Scenic Film Festival, held in January, would remain clothing-optional due to the colder weather. “We fully support people’s embrace of a Nude and Scenic South Yuba River, but we also want people to practice ‘safe and sane’ nudity. Going naked at night in Nevada City in January isn’t something we’d advise – even in an era of climate change.”
In comments after signing the Order, President Biden called for national unity for nudity. “Look folks, I’m serious. No, really, I’m serious about this. I truly, truly believe that all Americans, all Americans, all of us, united, can agree that no one, no American, regardless of their race, religious beliefs, gender identity or political affiliation should wear clothes on the South Yuba River. God bless you all, God bless America, and God bless the Nude & Scenic South Yuba River.” President Biden then added, “Now, let’s all get naked.”
As SYRCL prepares to celebrate its 40th birthday in 2023, the Nude and Scenic River designation hearkens back to the organization’s founding in 1983, when a small group of river-lovers, many of whom enjoyed skinny-dipping in the South Yuba’s many secret swimming holes, banded together to save the river from a series of proposed dams that would have flooded the river canyon forever.
Booth said SYRCL’s scheduled 40th birthday party would be a nude event with the theme “Wear your birthday suit to SYRCL’s birthday bash!”
The Nude & Scenic River destination also invokes memories of the years-long, hard-fought battle that led to the South Yuba’s designation as a California State Wild & Scenic River in 1999, a protected status that bans the construction of new dams and reservoirs on the river.
“Just as Wild & Scenic status preserves the South Yuba in its natural state, the new Nude & Scenic status guarantees visitors are ‘au naturel’ as well,” Booth said.
The order is effective as of today, April Fools’ Day, 2022.